Having been subliminally influenced by the advertising during recent Diamondbacks games I finally mustered up the effort to type the words "Pro Trade" into the Google search engine today. After the usual complications I have to go through when registering for an American website, such as an invalid zip code (I now borrow mine from the Cheesecake Factory in North Scottsdale,I recommend the chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake by the way) I was eventually logged onto a site in which I can trade in professional athletes. Unfortunately there was no real money involved and, as is my way, I quickly became bored with the whole enterprise. But at least it means a few more e-mails to provide me with the illusion that I am somehow connected with the world at large.
But to my credit I did not let the matter rest there, and after a quick call to the Diamondbacks marketing department, and a simple explanation of the benefits of the free-market economy I am pleased to say that I am now the proud owner of Mr Chad Tracy. The fact that he is currently on the DL worked in my favor and I got him at what I consider to be a very healthy price. I will be releasing shares during the coming weeks and in the days when he is not playing he will be available for simple household duties such as lawn cutting or roof tiling. In fact, I see "Chad Tracy ltd." as the first in what I hope will become a long line of quality investments for the "Arizona via Slough" corporation. I plan to introduce innovative marketing strategies such as scratch-card lotteries giving fans a chance to win their favorite players,garage sales of the Tucson Sidewinders and of course the live televising of Byun Hyung Kim being melted down for scrap.
Anyone who has watched the NFL Draft (and apparently some people do) will already be familiar with the concept of young athletes being bought and sold like cattle at a market, and my scheme is simply to extend this policy to the wider sports arena, and then, if all goes well to the whole world of work.I don’t know what it’s like in America but over here owning shares in a good plumber would be a ticket to easy street.
Now what am I bid for this slightly injured but talented 3rd baseman?