Turning Back the Clock

It was turn the clock back time in Major League Baseball this week, and whilst many fans enjoyed the retro jerseys and the baggy pants the event was not without controversy. Here are just a few of the themes that may have been better thought out;

Backwards1_1 The Arizona Diamondbacks staged a "European Colonization" night in which Native Americans attending the game were given the best seats behind home plate.In the middle of the first a group of armed white men then forced them out of the stadium and into a nearby car park saying that "this is a good spot too". The men then returned to the seats and trashed them.

The Detroit Tigers opted for an "America First" night, which included a mascot dressed as Charles Lindbergh singing the National Anthem and then making a speech complaining about how the Jewish people had "large ownership and influence in our motion pictures, our press, our radio and our government."

The Boston Red Sox chose an "Irish Need Not Apply" night, causing over twenty thousand fans who claimed to have Irish blood in them to be turned away at the gate.

The Atlanta Braves staged a "Jim Crow Law" night which caused consternation in the food stands due to the proclamation that "All persons licensed to conduct a restaurant, shall serve either white people exclusively or colored people exclusively and shall not sell to the two races within the same room or serve the two races anywhere under the same license."  Due to difficulties in playing the game they decided to by-pass the one about about the races playing baseball together.

Tampa Bay seemed to miss the point completely and held a "Species-ism" night in which fans were encouraged to laugh at the Devil Rays swimming in the tank in right field and call them "stupid and funny looking".

Summing up the whole affair an MLB spokesman is believed to have said "These turn back the clock events can be fun; but they can also remind us that the past is filled with dreadful horror,blood-shed and suffering." He is believed to have added "We are currently planning a "turn the clock forward" event in which fans will be given hover packs and food in the form of pills, but they will also be subjected to appallingly random acts of violence by increasingly diverse and zealous religious fundamentalists of all denominations."

It is expected that Tampa Bay will be severely sanctioned for the behavior of their fans.

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