I know, I know. The last thing that you need is some dumb *** Limey telling you where you have all gone wrong in creating the game of baseball. Well I sometimes think that the best way to be a friend is to be honest about another’s faults. I know that my wife always welcomes my open and honest criticism (that cease and desist letter was merely playful flirting) so here it is, my strange speaking American cousins, my occasional quick and easy guide to making the best even better. I sure hope Bud Selig is reading this.
Speed the game up. It’s an obvious one but nobody seems to have come up with an answer-well how about 2 strikes and you’re out!! No, just joking (or am I ?) Yes I am. (am I ?) Yes I am definitely just joking about the 2 strikes and you’re out idea. Yet my proposal is in some ways even more radical than that for the single most annoying feature of the modern ball game is the constant pitching changes. Yes I know pitcher A struck out batter B in September 2004 but Jeez Louise you don’t need to get **** about it. Hence my quite astonishing suggestion that every pitcher has to face at least 3 batters.Yes you read me right, every pitcher has to face at least 3 batters. Doesn’t have to get them out, just has to face them, instantly putting an end to those dreary walks to the mound and walks from the bullpen so that some overweight (insert your stereotype of choice) can throw one pitch to a guy who’s just out of rehab for drink/drugs/spousal abuse. Make the pizza eating bullpen boys work for their money and make the managers think long and hard about pitching changes, make them think more than the next batter ahead. With this solution everybody is happy (except the managers and players but they’re just our overpaid amusement toys anyway).
It’s wild and it’s crazy but it might just work.
Enjoy the game.